I thank those who wrote to me in private in relation to my article of June 20 (https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:linkedInArticle:6417105595744 219136 /), in relation to the difficulties of Being a talent, raising the issue of self-sabotage in order to achieve challenging objectives and thus be able to take a leap towards new successes.
I take inspiration from the message received to offer my point of view on the self-sabotage of talents (and in general).
A necessary premise: each of us has our own talents. There are those who are conscious and use them in a surgical and conscious way, there are those who have never asked themselves the question, there are those who absolutely deny being talented and there are those who are offended if you give them feedback on their own extraordinary abilities and tends to devalue, fueling low self-esteem.
He dictated that we see in a simple way what leads talents (or people in general) to self-sabotage.
To understand self-sabotage it is important to understand some simple concepts:
a) the difficulty of managing change
b) the familiarity of a situation that gives security
Because in some situations where everything seems to go very well, “unexpectedly” some actions are carried out which, like the game of the goose, bring us to the starting point, thus sabotaging the work done and canceling efforts, time spent, energy and the concrete plan towards the results?
Change can be difficult for many people and even impossible for others. We need a precise vision, determination, internal resources to activate, tenacity and the clarity of what change will bring new and different in our life and in what way it will make us Be. Courage and self-confidence are necessary levers for the necessary actions to be taken.
When and why does self-sabotage take place?
Usually it clicks when you are preparing to achieve unexpected successes, unthinkable goals and situations in which you could appear authoritative, skilled and capable. Several and other people.
Why does this happen?
It can happen because remaining “still” and therefore self-sabotaging, allows the human being to remain in a known situation (other than the comfort zone!). A familiar, safe, familiar situation that offers stability in contrast to the new that can destabilize.
To give a concrete example: if in a family context as children you have always been seen as a “calimero”, or the usual language was of the type “you will never do anything in life”, or “you are a landslide”, “your brother / sister is better than you”,”you are the rear”,”you only did your duty”,”you could have done more” and other devaluing phases of this kind, it is very likely that the talents will tend” totally to outside awareness” to behave in a way that confirms what they were told in childhood. How? Precisely self-sabotaging!
The paradox is that dysfunctional and violent languages of this type have the advantage of generating “real talents” because they create the need to continually raise the bar to please and please their parents. At the same time, in some cases, if unconscious self-sabotage behaviors persist (the person does not realize it at all if it is not shown to him by a skilled, sensitive and professional professional), there is a risk of self-limiting the development of one’s leadership and hindering expression of its uniqueness and extraordinary nature for the system. Usually those who limit and do not fully express themselves live dissatisfied and frustrated.
Courage it’s time to take the reins of your life!
I thank those who offered me the opportunity to write and share these reflections. This writing is for you.