Some time ago it happened to me, for various unreasonable reasons, to come across and meet three similar people, that is, totally (or almost!) lacking in self-confidence.
These people show behaviors, albeit with different tones, very similar:
- They are always anxious
- They always feel challenged (it is they who question themselves!) Even when there is no intent on the part of the interlocutor
- They severely judge others and themselves
- Their behavioral reactions are completely disproportionate to “normal” daily events
- They have excessive behavioral reactions to “exceptional” sporadic events
- They often get sick or suffer from anything every day: headache, stomach pain, back pain, sore throat, knee pain, neck pain, shoulder pain, psoriasis, herpes, and so on…
The three people are all socially recognized and qualified professionals (The observations also apply to Managers, Entrepreneurs and top figures). All with a great degree, Master’s or MBA, as well as twenty years of work experience that does not justify the constant distrust they experience as a constant state of “being” in the world. People who would have all the numbers, qualities and characteristics to approach life in a serene way and feel satisfied and proud of themselves.
It is not so.
During some interactions, what I have experienced is that the attitudes of these professionals are dangerous towards those who have little or no structured personalities, and without any defense. With such vulnerable people they can easily collude and I have often found that they unconsciously seek each other out.
We pity each other.
It competes to see who has more illnesses, problems at work, money problems or any other type.
On the other hand, those who have built a more structured personality are disturbed and irritated in interacting with people who show insecurities and hide them with unscrupulous aggression! He finds it very frustrating to interact with people with a perpetual negative view of life.
Without bothering Freud, I would like to offer my point of view dictated by years of professional experience in consulting and executive coaching in the corporate world.
The objective limit of those who show themselves so unsure of themselves is the inability to take their life in hand, take care of themselves and learn to cultivate trust.
Since we are talking about self-employed professional workers, a very high risk that I notice is that of losing customers or the inability to find new ones. The concept, as I said, however, also applies to Managers who work in the Company who are asked to develop entrepreneurial skills (and therefore as if they were free hitters!).
Customers want to feel listened to and supported by professionals who are not only competent, but able to withstand the regular and physiological stress, the ambiguities of every day and of the human being, and professional and personal complexities.
The Manager or professional who does not trust himself, on an unconscious level, transfers this message to customers: this critical step is the beginning of his professional end!
Alternatively, those who show themselves insecure can (or try to) work with those people (including customers) who are equally insecure and disheartened by everything and everyone. The high risk is to collude and spend the days under the Fantozzi cloud even during a splendid sunny day.
In cases like these, it is good to rely on a good psychotherapist for what concerns the traumas that have caused chronic insecurity. At the same time, it is possible to work with a coach with the intention of drawing up a plan to develop the potential to be more effective in life and at work.
I add that, of course, people with character traits of insecurity that they hide by showing themselves aggressive, angular and contemptuous, do not know and deny that they are!
It is very likely that if you point out the need for support or emotional support, they will have even more aggressive reactions because they lack confidence in the possibility of a potential (and desirable) change.
Change passes through voluntariness and individual responsibility. Only those who really want to change their dysfunctional behaviors, with enormous efforts, can change some traits.
Self-confidence is the key to:
- open up to infinite possible options of surprises in every area
- opening up to one or more behavioral changes
- choosing safety (cutting with the past) and embracing the present and the future
- be solid and confident in their thoughts and actions
- being able to rely on others: a fundamental premise that passes through personal trust, that is “I trust you only if I trust myself”.
These are just a few examples of how self-confidence and the ability to rely on others can transform our lives and initiate a real metamorphosis of identity.